Throughout this “Relationship Status” series we have been evaluating how to live out Matthew 22:36-40 within the context of the various relationships we find ourselves in. Whether you are single or married, young or old - we all have family relationships. Today, we will consider how to handle our family relationships in a way that honors God!
Family Is A Gift From God
We have seen how singleness is a gift from God, how marriage is a gift from God - and now we see that family is a gift from God, too. Family is a blessing given by God designed for love, support, and growth. When God designed the very first institution of marriage in Genesis 1 - He was ultimately designing the foundation for the family unit.
The family is the first and most important institution in society. It is created by God for the flourishing of mankind and society. Within a biblical viewpoint, children are considered to be a blessing as they reinforce how family is a gift.
Psalms 127:3-5 says that “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.” God intended man and woman to come together and raise up a new generation for the flourishing of His creation and to live in relationship with Him.
The Bible has a lot to say about families - and plenty of examples of both positive and negative family relationships. Ephesians 6:1-4 and Colossians 3:18-21 give us instructions on family roles, emphasizing love, respect, and responsibility as part of God’s plan.
Family is not only your biological family. Scripture talks about the church as the family of God, highlighting the importance of both earthly and spiritual families.
Family is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us. And while this is true, family can also be the source of immense pain. Ever since the fall of man in Genesis 3, our families have been wrought with conflict, hardship, and brokenness. Whatever your family background is, however, it is critical to remember that God’s design for family is a gift to us.
There is No Such Thing As A Perfect Family
It is difficult to enjoy a gift when you are busy comparing what you’ve got to what someone else has. We often have this idea that our family should act and look a certain way. We see the public image of another family and immediately think of the flaws within our own.
I don’t mean to be insensitive to those who have strained relationships with their family members - but we all have imperfect families. Your family is not only a gift from God, but a ministry that God has called you to.
Romans 3:23 says that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Nobody is perfect - which means no family is perfect. Every family is a combination of sinful people, so there is bound to be brokenness in each and every one.
Even though family is a gift from God, the Bible shows us that families aren’t perfect. Sin, selfishness, and misunderstandings can cause pain. Consider the stories of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4), Joseph and his brothers (Genesis 37-50), Judah and Tamar (Genesis 38), David and Absalom (2 Samuel), and Lot and his daughters (Genesis 19). Between those Biblical figures alone, we see a man kill his own brother, a man get sold into slavery by his own family, a daughter-in-law become impregnated by her father-in-law, a father and son broken apart by a political rebellion, and a whole lot of incest.
What is going on? Sin has tainted everything. Even the most precious institution on earth - the family. Conflict is not new - even the godliest of families struggle. You are not alone - all of us have family issues. You have been blessed with your family, and not anyone else’s. It’s not helpful to compare or covet what someone else has, but recognize that God has given you your family. They are a gift - even if they are imperfect.
Your Family Relationships Shape You & Your Future
Your family relationships affect who you are and who you are becoming. If you are still living with your parents - the way that you function in your household today will affect your habits with your future family. If you are a parent to young or young adult children - the way that you parent them will affect how they function with their future family.
The way that we treat our family members and the way that they treat us has the capacity to shape who we will become. For children, it is important to remember that your family is imperfect, but they love you and (in most cases) have your best interest at heart. God calls you to obey your parents (Proverbs 1:8). The Bible says that the command of “honor your father and mother” is actually the first command with a promise (Ephesians 6:1-4).
For parents, it is important to remember that the way you love your children will affect them for the rest of their lives. Our “Family of Origin” consists of all of the primary caregivers and significant individuals who play a role in our early development. Many aspects of our personality have their foundation in patterns formed within our family of origin, including:
Attachment styles
Communication patterns
Conflict resolution
Emotional regulation
Relationship expectations
Self-esteem and self-worth
Invest in your family now. Whether your children are young or starting families of their own, today is the time to start prioritizing the family that God has given you and love them in such a way that you leave them a legacy of healthy relationships and characteristics.
Conclusion: 2 Action Steps For 2 Different Families
No matter what your family looks like, you are called to love them. However, everyone’s family situation is different. As a conclusion to today’s thoughts, I encourage you to choose the application point that is most appropriate for your situation.
Caring Deeply For Your Family Often Requires Selflessness and Personal Sacrifice
For most families, my advice for you is to learn to love and serve others. The hardest place to do this is often within your own home. Love is not a feeling or emotion, but a choice. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us that love “is not self-seeking.” Philippians 2:3-4 tells us that we ought to imitate Christ’s humility and “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.”
Loving is difficult. Loving family is sometimes the most difficult thing to do. If you are struggling within your family, or feeling frustrated - my advice is simple. Begin to practice a selfless, sacrificial love that puts your family first. This isn’t a “fun” piece of advice - but it’s necessary. I can’t promise that as you put your family first, you will always feel better. But I can promise that you will begin to impact your family in a new, powerful way.
Set Healthy Boundaries While Practicing Forgiveness
There are family situations that are incredibly difficult to endure. While every family is imperfect, some of us grew up in homes that are unhealthy. Maybe there was abuse, addiction, or neglect within your home life.
If this is your story - I am so very sorry. God designed the family to be a place of refuge and flourishing - not a place of harm. Your application point is a bit different. I would encourage you to do two things: forgive your family, and set healthy boundaries. God commands us to forgive, even when we have been wronged in unspeakable ways. Practicing “detachment with love” is a way to care deeply about someone while still allowing them to make their own choices and learn from their mistakes. This can be a way to practice forgiveness while still setting healthy boundaries in your own life.
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Whatever your family experience is, I pray that you are encouraged to honor God with the gift of family in this season of your life!
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Relationship Status Week 3: March 2nd, 2025. Preached by Ben Dieterly
Article Edited by Julia Castro
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