Honoring God Within Conflict

In our last week of the “Relationship Status” series, we are dealing with something that everybody goes through, no matter what season of life they are in: conflict. How do we deal with conflict in a way that honors God and heals relationships? Keep reading to find out.

Conflict Can Be A Gift From God

It can be difficult to believe - but conflict can actually be a gift from God. Although the tension and difficulty that we go through in our relationships is a direct result of sin in the world, God can use it to strengthen our character and help us learn to love others better. We were never intended to argue, fight, or throw stones at one another. And yet Romans 3:23 tells us that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” That means that because of sin, there are no perfect people. This inevitably leads to conflict.

Within that conflict, the people of God are called to be peacemakers. Matthew 5:9 says “blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” When we deal with conflict in a way that honors God, it can be a gift that draws us closer to God and teaches us what it means to live like Christ - the ultimate peacemaker, who made peace between us and our heavenly Father.

The Effects of Unresolved Conflict

When we leave conflict unresolved, it festers to breed resentment and bitterness in our lives and in the lives of others. When we leave conflict unresolved it:

• Blocks my fellowship with God. We cannot be right with God and wrong with other people (1 John 4:20)

• Blocks my prayers from being answered. God wants you to learn to love others - if you are in conflict with others you aren’t loving them at that moment. Peter gives us an intense application of this for married couples in 1 Peter 3:7!

• Blocks my happiness. When things are out of sorts with people in our lives, it drains us of our happiness. James 3:18 tells us that we reap a harvest of righteousness when we sow in peace - being a peacemaker has a tangible reward.

7 Steps to Resolve Conflict & Restore Relationships (by Rick Warren)

1. Make the First Move

We do not like to make the first move within our conflicts. It is easier to hold onto our anger and wait until the other party comes to apologize to us - but that is not what it means to be a “peacemaker.” A peacemaker doesn’t want for peace to happen, they proactively seek peace within conflict.

Matthew 5:23-24 tells us that “if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

The Biblical model of conflict resolution that we have is one of proactive humility. Even when it means interrupting your own personal acts of devotion, you must be willing to leave and pursue peace with someone - even if it’s “their fault.” Conflict never gets resolved by accident. If you want to handle conflict better in your relationships, be the kind of person who takes the first step toward peace.

2. Ask God for Wisdom

Once you have decided to make the first step, you must ask for God’s help in how to handle the situation. Going into a conversation hot headed or filled with anger is a surefire way to make things worse. So ask God for the when, the what, and the how. Ask Him to help lead and guide you! The Holy Spirit is our counselor - He will help lead you through it if you patiently submit to Him.

3. Begin With “What’s My Fault?”

It is easy to go into conflict resolution and start pointing fingers at the other person. The Bible doesn’t make this so easy for us to do, however. God tells us two reasons why conflict happens. The first is found in James 4:1, where James says that our fights and quarrels are caused by “your desires that battle within you.” In other words, our self-centeredness causes conflict. 

The second is found in Proverbs 13:10: “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” Pride is the other great conflict starter. Wherever you have conflict, you will find some combination of self-centeredness and pride. 

Don’t assume that you’re not part of the problem. Rather, take the advice of Jesus in Matthew 7:3-5 and look for the plank in your own eye before you critique the saw dust in someone else’s. Confess your part in the conflict first. 

4. Listen For Their Hurt & Prospective

There is always hurt in conflict. Oftentimes as our arguments grow, it is no longer the idea causing conflict but the emotions. James 1:19 commands us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Practicing this within conflict looks like actively listening to the other side of the story and hearing what the other person is feeling. This will help you understand what they are feeling, grow empathy within you, and ultimately result in faster and smoother resolution. 

5. Speak the Truth Tactfully

In order to get through conflict, you must be honest. Problems can’t be swept under the rug. Confessions may need to be made. But you must speak the truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 says that “speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Don’t shy away from the truth of the matter. But learn to communicate the truth with grace, love, and tact (see Proverbs 12:18 and Ephesians 4:29 for more study).

6. Fix the Problem, Not the Blame

Fight together to fix the problem, don’t let the problem keep you fighting at each other. Attack the issue and not each other! You’ll hear this in premarital counseling all the time - it needs to become you and me vs. the problem, not me vs. you. If you are more focused on figuring out who is to blame than resolving the problem itself, you will find yourself running in circles. 

Colossians 3:8 tells us “you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” In your conflict, do not allow these emotions to take over and turn your resolution conversations into fruitless insults, belittling, and blame throwing. Work together to make peace!

7. Focus on Reconciliation, Not Resolution

Reconciliation means re-establishing the relationship. Resolution means you resolve every disagreement. Reconciliation is the goal - resolution may not always be possible. The end goal of peace making cannot be to agree on every point (resolution) but must be to live at peace with each other, without holding on to hurt or bitterness (reconciliation). Focus on restoring the relationship, and learn to disagree gracefully where it is clear there can’t be full resolution on certain points. 

Conclusion:

As you walk through the various relationships in your life, you will deal with conflict. How you handle that conflict will determine whether it is a thorn in your side or a blessing that God uses to shape and mold you into His image. For more information about these 7 steps, consider checking out Rick Warren’s message titled “Learn How To Resolve Conflict & Restore Relationships.”

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Relationship Status Week 4: March 16th 2025. Preached by Ben Dieterly

Article Edited by Julia Castro

This sermon outline was based on a sermon preached by Rick Warren called “Learn How To Resolve Conflict & Restore Relationships.” You can find this sermon online and encourage you to do so - it was a great message!